Sunday, June 8, 2008

Rodentfest 2008

I originally posted this on the Seasoned Gamers message board on June 3rd, I thought it may prove a good read, as it shows some of my anger, humor, and writing ability, considering everyone there enjoys it.

So I only got like two hours of sleep, woke up at about 4am. Went outside, smoked a cigarette, had a cup of coffee, and settled down to enjoy some LOTRO, then I hear a sound, and dismiss it as the coffee pot. Then the sound is a bit louder, more pronounced, as if this noise were saying "Hey, jackass, listen, turn around, and investigate". So heeding this call, I turn around, and realize the sound is not coming from the coffee pot, but from an oddball cabinet that was put in the counter, for some reason, it faces the hallway. Anyways, as mute the game, stare intently at the cabinet door, and slowly move closer, I realize that this is an intruder. Although it really isn't Mickey, it is a damned mouse or rat.

I'm not scared of the infectious son of a bitch, after all, he's maybe 4 inches long, I'm 6 feet tall. On the other hand, I don't want Jack Filthy gnawing on my toes, or worse, Olivias toes in the middle of the night. I know that's not likely, but you never know what a toddler will get into, and when a mouse is crawling around inside your home, you know it could be sitting there burrowing through your stack of Game Informers, when along comes a baby who's toes bear a striking resemblance to marshmallows, so the uninvited mouse takes a little nibble.

Looks like the landlord won't get rent until this is taken care of, because I do NOT do diseased rodents in my home. Also, my pizza cooker is in that cabinet, and by God I'm not sticking my fingers in there for the vector of disease to take a bite out of my fingers, which I'm sure he would mistake for string cheese.

Even as I type this, I hear him carrying out his evil machinations under my precious modem, in that dark cavern beneath the junk drawer, in what has become known as the cabinet of death.

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