Sunday, June 8, 2008

Rodentfest 2008: Not My Spoons!

Update on things. You should probably scroll down to see the first post in this epic story!

So Ashley sent me a short text message while I was at work, I'll put it into my own words.

So it seems that Ashley needed to use our silverware, as is common among humans who own silverware, or at least cheap imitation stainless steelware. Anyways, apparently our uninvited plague-bearer decided it would be a great place to deposit evidence of his foul biology. I mean, who wouldn't want to shit on something shiny? Still no damned mousetraps from the manager. So now that my bubonic house guest has taken it upon himself to defile my property, war is officially on! See, I could have been content to let him roam the inner workings of this apartment, leaving traps out for him in case he got brazen, but he got brazen before I laid said traps, and has smeared his pungency upon my eating utensils. Now everything is a warzone, I currently have no reservations about disintegrating walls and cupboards in the name of destroying my vile nemesis.
As far as any landlord is concerned, although lord in that sense is used loosely, more like landbastard, I'll call it collateral damage, he could have provided me with raw materials with which to construct my very own Rube Goldberg trap, or even the boardgame MouseTrap, in hopes that it may work, or at least be entertained. But no, he did nothing but saw we must have brought the pestilence into our home on our own. I now have mentally created no less than 6 ways to dispose of this scourge which involve heavy mutilation, illegal materials, and possibly the destruction of my home once these devices are activated. I may break down and just buy traps tomorrow morning on my way home from work, and deduct that cost from rent, seeing as how a pest, who occupied the residence before I intruded, is in no way my responsibility.

The fact that I now fear not only for my tools for food consumption, but the food I consume as well, is overpowering. I'm mortified at what I may find in my box of Frosted Rice Krispies tomorrow!

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